In my audition I was playing the role as heather chandler who was a really mean and popular girl, I personally had only 2 days to learn the script so it made the audition so much more stressful because I was not comfortable with the script whatsoever. In our script, there were a song that we had to say instead of sing which was really weird and felt unnatural so this made me more uncomfortable with the script. Before I auditioned, I was super nervous because I really did not want to mess up the lines so this made me think more about the lines and less on calming myself down and less on my facial and vocal expressions. Because I got the script later then other people due to my absence, I was rushing the process of trying to learn the lines and this added more pressure to me because I was getting frustrated with myself. I felt like I did not perform to my full potential due to my stress and over thinking, if maybe I had learnt my lines more and focused on calming myself down more, then I would have been more confident and ready for the audition.
In my audition video you could clearly see how nervous I was and the lack of confidence was uncanny, the more I messed up my lines, the more I became more quiet and less confident with my lines and myself as an actor. When it comes to my performances… even the small things like auditions, if I mess up in anyway I instantly panic and feel like I messed up everything which chips away at my determination and self belief. This is one thing I as a performer need to improve on. when I perform, I am too hard on myself and that causes anxiety, stresses and loads more problems for myself. If I want to become more confident I need to remember that everyone messes up as it is a part of life and I need to learn from the mistakes and remember to keep going instead of shutting myself down. I feel like if I learn this, then my performances will be easier to do and I will feel more confident and comfortable performing in front of others and learn to enjoy it instead of stressing too much about it.